One night I thought I'd disappear
and walk amongst the elk and deer.
I had a load of stress to clear
as autumn's chill was ever near
I thought about a trail I'd seen
where maples mixed with evergreen,
from Vanderbilt to Wolverine
My watch said it was ten fifteen.
The Army taught a few things right,
like how to cuss and how to fight,
and you don't really need a light
when walking through woods at night.
I made it to the trail at last,
extremely high and low on gas,
so caution to the wind I cast.
I checked my watch as midnight passed.
I wandered down the trail a ways
enveloped in a creepy haze,
when shafts of light in colored rays
set the path around ablaze.
I'm not a man for tales and lies.
I swear that there before my eyes
an object spinning in the sky
looked like a tin for cherry pies.
Now every Michigander knows
they planted pines in even rows,
and even in my panic throes
I knew exactly where to go.
I ran between the rows of pine,
but stopped and turned to look behind,
and some infernal root or vine
around my ankle did entwine.
I almost had a heart attack
I tripped and fell upon my back,
and landed like a tater sack.
A flashlight tumbled from my pack
Not much out there frightens me,
but this one almost made me pee.
When I was finally safe and free
my watch said it was five till three.
I sat there in bewilderment
and wondered where three hours went.
I thought of how that time was spent
until my mind was warped and bent.
Now people think that I'm a creep.
I live alone and moan and weep,
'cause every time I try to sleep
I hear a little beep...beep...beep...beep...beep...beep...beep.
